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Submitted on
January 24, 2012
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A single trickling rain drop
Like gossamer silk strands
Gliding along my third eye
Whispers wind's secret caress
Breath; Relax. 
             One.
                Two.
                  Three.

I exhale. Lungs releasing-
Pressing translucent memories;
Fragment of a fragment
As water kisses rose petal,
Drifting down stream's curtain

The curtain.
Pretty little curtain.
Where the wizard lies.
He smiles up at me
With his monocled brow-
Sipping on warm tea
And fingers quacking casually
To the rhythm of his notes
This is a safe-zone. Free-zone.
Innocent eyes sparkle,
Imploring it to be true. I breathe.

                         One.
                    Two.
              Three.

The sweet sound of pan flute
As I soar into heather.
I see my dear friend, the eagle
Piercing down- wise and haven's totem
My monocled friend listens.
His pen itching like a quill
Here is my sanctuary.
I share the dew dripping-
My own private valley.
Three.
      Two.
          One.
I scream.
Voices shrilling
In my muddled, delusional
Existence. Teeth and nails
Prying fiercely- digging,
Clawing. Talons ripping
For their freedom. I try
To spill their lithium, squirm
From my shattered memories.
Fragments upon fragments.
I close my eyes.
                      One.
              Two.
                   Three.
Written 1.24.2012. This is my Round 2 piece for The Writer's Club contest. Theme: "Fight for Freedom" writers--club.deviantart.com/g…

For this Round I perused the fight for one's mind. The idea of someone who meditates and believes in 'New Age' ideas goes to a therapist for a safe spot to share their story, have a haven- to help stabilize their life. But, because of their beliefs, they end up on medication... which essentially destroys their mind.

Some of the inspiration for this is, well, things  I have seen in my career. So many clients over the years who end up with a "medication change" and it's passed around like candy, to people who seriously need the medication to function. And yet, I see them become more of zombies, frustrated and trapped inside themselves.

No, I'm not entirely against drug therapy. But the more I work with severe psychosis, the more I question when it should be implemented as part of the treatment. 

:iconwriters--club:

And, joy of all joys, Lithium was entered into another contest recently. I put her into the "Insanity" contest at :iconwriters--grimgloomtale: and won the Distinction Award sylwiatelari.deviantart.com/jo… Which I am incredibly grateful for. Thank you so much!


______________________________________________

Previous Critique (for the Written Revolution): princesscharming101.deviantart…


Questions:
1. What emotions does this piece envoke for you? Was the story clear?
2. What do you think of the structure, word choice, formating?
3. Did the stories/images flow together well?
4. What do you think of the repetition?
5. Overall opinions? Thoughts? Critiques not covered?
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-12-13
Lithium by ~ndris970 ( Featured by Beccalicious )
:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014   Writer
I love the extreme contrast between the last stanza and everything that came before it. Definitely took me off guard.
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:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment; I appreciate it. Always good to know when a piece works for another person ^_^
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:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
OH, and I love how you used the line indentations of the counting. To me, it gave a definite sense of breathing in and out, and the last lines, of hyperventilating. I find myself always using the form of the lines and the spacing as well as the words to convey my ideas, and I'm happy to find that you've used it to such great effect!
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:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That you for both of the comments. I'm glad you found it indicative for you- just sorry you've ever found yourself in a place where you've could relate.
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:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. =)
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:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I've been on lithium as well as another mood stabilizer (I know lithium is a unique drug and not necessarily solely a mood-stabilizer). I can, however, attest that while having its good and necessary points for me, lithium definitely gives me a weird disconnect in my emotions that is really unhelpful, and at worst times, keeps me from really interfacing with life. So, from my perspective of experiencing the drug, I feel like I can somewhat more imagine myself in the subject's place. Losing access to your inner world, mind's eye, and emotional sanctum due to a chemical lid on your emotions/cognition is very frustrating.

The imagery is amazing. This really resonated with me, just as a fragment of the poem:
"I scream.
Voices shrilling
In my muddled, delusional
Existence. Teeth and nails"
especially placed as it is right after some very soothing images.
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
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:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
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:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice! :)
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:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^_^
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