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A single trickling rain drop
Like gossamer silk strands
Gliding along my third eye
Whispers wind's secret caress
Breath; Relax. 
             One.
                Two.
                  Three.

I exhale. Lungs releasing-
Pressing translucent memories;
Fragment of a fragment
As water kisses rose petal,
Drifting down stream's curtain

The curtain.
Pretty little curtain.
Where the wizard lies.
He smiles up at me
With his monocled brow-
Sipping on warm tea
And fingers quacking casually
To the rhythm of his notes
This is a safe-zone. Free-zone.
Innocent eyes sparkle,
Imploring it to be true. I breathe.

                         One.
                    Two.
              Three.

The sweet sound of pan flute
As I soar into heather.
I see my dear friend, the eagle
Piercing down- wise and haven's totem
My monocled friend listens.
His pen itching like a quill
Here is my sanctuary.
I share the dew dripping-
My own private valley.
Three.
      Two.
          One.
I scream.
Voices shrilling
In my muddled, delusional
Existence. Teeth and nails
Prying fiercely- digging,
Clawing. Talons ripping
For their freedom. I try
To spill their lithium, squirm
From my shattered memories.
Fragments upon fragments.
I close my eyes.
                      One.
              Two.
                   Three.
Written 1.24.2012. This is my Round 2 piece for The Writer's Club contest. Theme: "Fight for Freedom" writers--club.deviantart.com/g…

For this Round I perused the fight for one's mind. The idea of someone who meditates and believes in 'New Age' ideas goes to a therapist for a safe spot to share their story, have a haven- to help stabilize their life. But, because of their beliefs, they end up on medication... which essentially destroys their mind.

Some of the inspiration for this is, well, things  I have seen in my career. So many clients over the years who end up with a "medication change" and it's passed around like candy, to people who seriously need the medication to function. And yet, I see them become more of zombies, frustrated and trapped inside themselves.

No, I'm not entirely against drug therapy. But the more I work with severe psychosis, the more I question when it should be implemented as part of the treatment. 

:iconwriters--club:

And, joy of all joys, Lithium was entered into another contest recently. I put her into the "Insanity" contest at :iconwriters--grimgloomtale: and won the Distinction Award sylwiatelari.deviantart.com/jo… Which I am incredibly grateful for. Thank you so much!


______________________________________________

Previous Critique (for the Written Revolution): princesscharming101.deviantart…


Questions:
1. What emotions does this piece envoke for you? Was the story clear?
2. What do you think of the structure, word choice, formating?
3. Did the stories/images flow together well?
4. What do you think of the repetition?
5. Overall opinions? Thoughts? Critiques not covered?
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-12-13
Lithium by ~ndris970 ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014   Writer
I love the extreme contrast between the last stanza and everything that came before it. Definitely took me off guard.
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment; I appreciate it. Always good to know when a piece works for another person ^_^
Reply
:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
OH, and I love how you used the line indentations of the counting. To me, it gave a definite sense of breathing in and out, and the last lines, of hyperventilating. I find myself always using the form of the lines and the spacing as well as the words to convey my ideas, and I'm happy to find that you've used it to such great effect!
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That you for both of the comments. I'm glad you found it indicative for you- just sorry you've ever found yourself in a place where you've could relate.
Reply
:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. =)
Reply
:iconmorning-star-42:
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I've been on lithium as well as another mood stabilizer (I know lithium is a unique drug and not necessarily solely a mood-stabilizer). I can, however, attest that while having its good and necessary points for me, lithium definitely gives me a weird disconnect in my emotions that is really unhelpful, and at worst times, keeps me from really interfacing with life. So, from my perspective of experiencing the drug, I feel like I can somewhat more imagine myself in the subject's place. Losing access to your inner world, mind's eye, and emotional sanctum due to a chemical lid on your emotions/cognition is very frustrating.

The imagery is amazing. This really resonated with me, just as a fragment of the poem:
"I scream.
Voices shrilling
In my muddled, delusional
Existence. Teeth and nails"
especially placed as it is right after some very soothing images.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice! :)
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^_^
Reply
:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconjusticedeath:
JusticeDeath Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
very good!! there's nothing i can say about your poetry! continue with your good work!
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Reply
:iconn8rz:
N8RZ Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Shattered memories...
Fragments of fragments...
The flow, the patterns...

Someone is enlightened to the reality of our existence <3
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconamberz-artthings:
AmberZ-ArtThings Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Photographer
Lovely ;o;
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^_^
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^_^
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure :happybounce:
Reply
:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013
The counting refrain here works well to bracket these stanzas. Thanks for sharing.
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^_^
Reply
:iconshire7:
Shire7 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats to the DD :heart:
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD.  Beautiful~
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^_^
Reply
:iconrobson666:
robson666 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist
congratulations to the well deserved Daily Deviation Clap Clap
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful poem. I love this. Good luck in the contest!
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much, I appreciate the comment and the support!
Reply
:iconbeltaneh:
Beltaneh Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013
I didn't get the part about medication, so the title "lithium" sounded a bit wierd. Now reading your description it all makes sense and the whole text (including title) makes perfect sense.
I enjoyed it, and the images it gave me, but I'm not really used to write poetry :D
Nice job anyway
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the comment! Any suggestion to make this stronger/clearer?
Reply
:iconbeltaneh:
Beltaneh Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013
Hummm... I can't tell really. Now I look at it again, maybe it just needed a re-reading. It's quite clear as long as you know what lithium is used for
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013   Writer
I won't argue it -- but lithium and other psych meds don't "destroy the mind" when they are needed and used appropriately. I hate to see folks being scared away from meds, if they need them.

The poem itself is interestingly done. I like the counting and formatting on the counting, especially.
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I actually work in Mental Health (with schizophrenic adults) So actually am well aware of their importance... but equally see the other end of it. So this is my commentary essentially on when they're poorly prescribed. Basically for someone who doesn't really need it, but gets it anyways.

Anyways, thank you for the comment. I appreciate it, and definitely see where you're coming from.
Reply
:iconhiddendelights:
hiddendelights Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013
Was about to make a similar comment. Thank you for clarifying - I definitely agree on that part.

This is wonderfully written otherwise, congratulations on the DD. :heart: 
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^_^
Reply
:iconlinessa:
linessa Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Ahh, glad you do know the up side :3 I'm a creative person who can't create without her lithium (and zoloft), my mental disorder strangles all my muse ;_;
But yeah, you have to have the right medication, else it is a mess.  Good stuff :3
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem. 
Reply
:iconsusurrousity:
susurrousity Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Student Writer
hey :heart: you have been featured here! (: [link]
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much!
Reply
:iconone-rosy-cheek:
one-rosy-cheek Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012
I'm speechless. The format of the poem, and the counting, really adds to the beauty. You did such a great job of creating a sense of calmness and trust, and then torment. What a creative concept, too. It took me a while to really "get" it, but I think it's simply amazing.
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh thank you so much! I'm so glad you really enjoyed it
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Professional Writer
This is such an intriguing concept, and I love what you've done with it. As someone who both holds metaphysical beliefs (I'm Wiccan) and has mental issues (O.C.D and anxiety) this really hits home for me. I was really lucky for a while to have a therapist who didn't think my beliefs were a result of mental illness, but sadly, he seemed to think I could meditate my way out of anxiety and I wasn't strong enough for that. So now I'm faced with the dilemma of going for more traditional behavioral treatment, with the risk of the therapists thinking my beliefs are a part of my illness....*sigh*.

ANYWAY. Sorry to ramble on, but your poem just spoke to me, that's all. :)
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm very glad it did. ^_^
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! You have been featured by The Favorites Project at :iconlitplease:
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much ^_^
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Professional Writer
No problem. :)
Reply
:iconthe-red-leper:
The-Red-Leper Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
I love the flow of this one! It just moves so nicely and the way you have the counting
Reply
:iconndris970:
ndris970 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! I wasn't sure if the counting was becoming too gimmicky.
Reply
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Submitted on
January 24, 2012
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