literature

Puck's Elegy

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Literature Text

              Merry  flashes roll and cry                                     
           Beguiling force of Heaven's wry
          The crackling wind, shifts and sways
           Speckled silver flakes its rays
                                    Wanderer of brilliant shuttered shade
                       I gasp, inhale, the fragrant jade
                 Gale subsides - a sullen thrush
            Unbind the air to sweet-dust hush
           The night it echoes hooting owl
          Cicadas purr their silent howl
          Such spritely zest sparkles high
          Leaping, glinting satin sky
                       Such delight, my impish gleam
                              Once upon a
               Midsummer's dream.
                               But then, so quick, a burst to fall
                          From luscious jade - gold sickens all
                        Radiant crimsons trace their veins
                    Violet grip the chastened reigns
      So fleeting,  bright things sprung to life
                - Diseased and Crippled, glorious strife
                     Flowers whimper
                   Ripping frost
                     Lovely Shades
                           Ignoble costs

     Poison taunts,
                    "Come to praise our flag?
              Our fallen seeds can gorge the stag!"
Confusion wrangles their silent scream
                         Stunning death is autumn's scheme.
The window pains it's frigid sheet, crackling frost
                                            My heart. So beat.
                                     Weary
                                          Crumbling
                             Driftting flurries
                                       Obscurely placid
                                                  With
                                    Fickle worries.

      Through your eyes -
                        what is this shade
     Glassy. Aloof. Deftly dismayed
Secluding splendor adorns the snow
Chilling bones, as true as woe
                             A cold. so brutal.
                      I ache to feel
But know you'll shatter - brittle
                             steel

                Loneliness haunts
                                    with tender gleam
  Such, it seems, my frozen theme.
But then a twinkle, and lord of dew
           Blossoms fair
                  the dawn of yew
             Youthful doves
                  soar entwined
Blithely whirr with hearts enshrined
         What fools so murmur
      a subtle kiss. Ephemeral trust
                - eternal bliss

Buoy the spirits from splendid frost
Warm the cockles deftly lost
These mortals tint suck bashful cheek
Rosy, pinken, the love will eke
                                 Spring will burst  
                                               and float
                                         downstream
                               Be it just a curt pipedream....
Finalized 11.01.11. Originally the season collection was a set of 4 poems (found in my earlier works) expressing my own opinions of the annual transitions. I used these works as a bouncing point- along with Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream" (Full Text online here: shakespeare.mit.edu/midsummer/…) to create this new piece. Which is my Season Collection remakes entwined together.

As it evolved, it became Puck story as he wanders through the year. And his opinion of each season...through those wonderfully mischievous, impish eyes:

From the merriment of summer, to the slow decay and death of the autumn and winter season, finalizing with the confusion and shaking his head at spring-time puppy love.

____________________________________________
The piece holds four seed  (or inspirational) quotes from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

These include:
- Merry wanderer of the night
- So quick bright things come to confusion
- My heart is true as steel
- Lord what fools these mortals be
____________________________________________

Questions:
1. Did Puck's journey seem cohesive? Or too scattered?
2. What do you think of the formatting?
3. Did you feel the rhyming and rhythm were off or overdone?
4. Overall thoughts, opinions, critiques?
____________________________________________

Previous Critique: silverinkblot.deviantart.com/a…
© 2011 - 2024 paintedpoetry
Comments10
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xlntwtch's avatar
:+fav:
I immediately recognized quotes from Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night..." and enjoyed your employment of them. I think your poem moves exactly like Puck would, and I think that movement would be somewhat scattered, yet held together by the seasons, woods and earth Puck lives with/in/around/by. Though I prefer ordinary font to italics, the formatting helped a lot. It gave both the cohesion you want and the scatter[-'ishness'] I imagine Puck would always be like. I write prose, so rhythm is the most important to me in poetry - I tend to read it aloud before leaving a comment. No rhyme seems "overdone" either. Overall- you got a fav from me and I can't think of a single reason you won't get more. Thank you.